“You’ve heard all the reasons why you should vote. Most of them are humbug at best, and some — such as ‘It doesn’t matter how you vote. Just vote’ — are simply idiotic. Voting today has nothing to do with the ‘civic duties’ you learned about in grade school. Your fellow citizens aren’t Jimmy Stewart and Gary Cooper lookalikes earnestly trying to do the right thing. Well over 50% of U.S. citizens are now net tax recipients, and they’ve trundled down to the polls in their tank tops and shower slippers only to help ensure that they stay on the gravy train. It’s sickening to hear thoughtful nonvoters, who can sense in their gut that something is terminally wrong with the process, make lame excuses because they feel guilty for not participating. I would, therefore, like to give you five reasons why you shouldn’t vote.” (for publication 11/08)